Family Movie Night

Sunday night was the last night that we could all stay up late as a family so instead of taking our usual drive to anywhere we decided to stay home and stayed up most of the night because Ana started school on Tuesday.

Jim and I went and rented some movies, then I popped some popcorn and gave each of the kids bowls to eat from and they all laid out in front of the old boob tube and we watched Race to Witch Mountain. It was a cute movie, Ana informed us that she had already seen it so after awhile it ended up being just me and Jim watching the movie and everyone else in their rooms watching Sponge Bob (its an all new episode MOM!). So much for Family night, at least we were in the same house together.

See Mini Me (the dog) eyeing that bowl of popcorn?

The Damn Dam

We went to the Fontana Dam on Sunday. This Dam is where the scene from "The Fugitive" was filmed where Harrison Ford jumped off of it. In the movie there was only water below. In real life I think it would be a sudden stop at the end.

Here is where we were looking down into the overflow tubes that go 400 feet straight down and crash into the river below.

The girls looking for fish on the other side of the dam.

Looking at the spillover which holds the turbines that creates the energy.

Here are my girls attempting to get the light to turn on in the little house by spinning the miniature turbine.

At the top of the dam lookout...(pun intended, it was a few stairs to the top and I was not happy about it.)

Visiting Family

We had some family come in this week and we finally got some time to spend with them on Saturday. We were very excited and so were the kids. We have not see this part of the family in a long time. They are all on Jims Dads side of the family.Great Grandma Jean, Great Uncle Jimmy, and Great Aunt Fran. What a fun time with them. Uncle Jimmy cooked us some buffalo burgers which was AWESOME! The kids loved it even after they found out what it was. Here are some pictures of all of us.

The Raccoon

So for days now that stupid dog of my moms has been nonstop barking every night which gets our dogs to go off as well then all the kids are awake. We could never figure out why until Friday.

There was a raccoon on my bird feeder! A big stinkin' raccoon. I was not quick enough to get the camera out when he was actually ON the feeder but here is his creepy little eyes up in the tree.

Nemo, stupid dog.

This year our used to be athletic, fit, and muscular small dog has decided that she needs to look like me. Nice and round. Well she is unable to actually lick or scratch her own behind now that she is the size of a large basketball. (She used to look like a whippet or miniature greyhound the photo to the left is how she used to look only 1 year or so ago.) This grossly obese dog must now spin in circles to scratch anything that is farther than her own front feet. Here is a video. (I know its dark but look closely its HILLarious.)

Monday, ALL day.

Monday I went to get my mother out of the hospital and she was already getting on my nerves. Apparently I was supposed to be there early in the morning (according to the nagging mother) yet I did not want to put my poor daycare lady out AGAIN. (She has been the best through all of this and I don't think I have thanked her yet! I am such a terrible person). So I dropped them off at the regular time and headed out that way to get her the hour and a half drive I did was a quiet one since Ana decided to come with me but she slept the whole way.

I got yelled at of course when I got there because they were supposedly waiting on me but she was not even ready to go yet! She still had cords and tubes attached so how was it my fault exactly? Anyway, she talked my ear off almost the whole way home until she asked me to stop by our work to "see" everyone. First of all she works day shift so I tell her that by the time we get there all of the day shift people will be gone because we still have another hour on the road. She gets all uppity (is that a word?) at me and starts yelling at me like I am her freakin' cabbie and should take her where ever she wants to go. Finally, I put my foot down and say that I am taking her to Wal-mart to get her meds, then we are going to Dominoes to get dinner for the kids, then we are going HOME and that's it.

So she decides to take her anger out on Ana and bicker with a six year old that has been stuck in the car all day! Enough! I yell at her and tell her to just ignore Ana when she is like that because she is hyper right now, it doesn't work she yells at her anyway.

So we get home and go about our business. We eat, I bathe the kids, and get them ready for bed. By this time its 9 pm and the kids are extremely tired. So I tell mom that she needs to go to bed so the girls will go to bed. She does not, she gets on the phone and keeps the girls up another dang hour. Then I tell her again to GO TO BED and she finally does but lets Trista out of her room so I have to be the bad guy and put her back in bed at 11 pm. We all finally fall asleep and I am happy until I wake up to my mother ranting and raving and IN MY LIVING ROOM instead of in Lani's room at 1:30 am.

She keeps us up the rest of the night and continues to wake up the kids with her wandering and talking out loud and going in and out of the house. My alarm is set for 8 am but I decide to get up and out of bed because she just let Trista out of her room again and Jim is getting ready for work. I found the culprit this morning when I went to make Lani's bed. She had taken more of the meds than she was supposed to. She had taken FOUR prescription sleeping pills, plus her Tuesday evening meds...It is only Tuesday early morning at this point. With no sleep behind me and I am already mad as the dickens at her because at 7 am she wanted to get on the Internet in MY ROOM. This is my house I had to scream at her like you would for a child to get her to move her fat bottom out of my room and I had to close my door.

Anyway, I tell her that I am taking away her medication self distribution privilege and I will be doing it myself. So I hid them to where she cannot find them. I left her some pain meds and told her where they were but she either did not remember or had taken them in her drug induced stupor and didn't remember that either.

So I get a call from her once Jim finally picks her up and she is cussing at me because she can't find her pain meds and she is in pain. She flat out lies to Jim and tells him that she was sleeping the whole day but she had just left my room when he got home. He checks the seat at the computer desk and it was still warm and she did not log off of the computer. After she cusses at me I just hang up...I am at work dang it, how dare you!

So I call Jim back and tell him where the meds are for her pain and I really feel for him because he is the one who has to deal with her right now and she is not too happy that I am not letting her do anything. She is not going to kill herself in my house! She wants to do that crap she can go back to her own house and do that so I can't hear her and I don't have to deal with her. So tonight I will allow her NO sleeping pills! I am not doing another night of this and I could CARE LESS if she is mad. Thanks for just assuming that I am supposed to take care of you...Sorry honey but you may be out on your ass if you pull a stunt like this again.

I called my Dad a Pharmacist and he said most definitely the sleeping pills were the culprit of our long night. Mom told Jim that she apologised to me while we were on the phone but he said that he did not hear it and was sitting right there and I most definitely did not hear her. I am sure that there is going to be a yelling match tonight when I get home but I really don't care at this point. I am so tired and so angry and so very close to just crying and kicking her butt out of my house that I don't even want to go home.

Busy weekend.

(As promised I have edited the post to add pictures.)We went to a BBQ festival Saturday and it would have been fun with the great food they served there however, it was 93 degrees and the humidity was up there! I think Jim and I walked about three miles in the sweltering heat. I think I lost about five pounds of water while I was there. The kids did not take it as hard as us old farts though. They bounced in a bouncy house for about 30 minutes and came out pouring in sweat and crying because they wanted to go back in! How fun would that bouncy house had been if it were raining instead? I may have to rent one and turn on the old sprinklers next weekend!



This is the funniest of all the signs there at the BBQ fest was this one. They even had shirts on!!







Lani FINALLY got into the bouncy after bribing her with candy and kisses for a week.








Ana refusing to smile after she crashed and burned in the bouncy tunnel.








Trista got into the bouncy once she saw that her other two sisters were in there...Funny kid.


As far as Sunday, we decided that it was simply too hot to be messing around with our usual family drive so Jim made his homemade ice cream while I cleaned out the girls closets. We ended up with the best tasting chocolate ice cream....mmmmmm... We also ended up with about 6 bags of clothes and coats and I will be taking those to the donation sites one of these days...Hopefully it will not sit in the back of my car for three weeks like the stuffed animals that were supposed to go to the humane society. Gimme a break, I work full time and I have three kids sheesh...

Here is what happened to the chocolate ice cream. I have no idea if any of it made it into her mouth! It was all down her clothes and in the chair. Whatever made it to the floor the dogs cleaned up nicely.

Guilty feelings...

Okay so now I have these guilty feelings for the "If I only had a heart Part II" post. Can I bring myself to delete the post...Nope. Lets just move on. Again, if the post hurt your feelings or made you feel angry, I am sorry but it needed to be said and better to do it here than scream it at the top of my lungs at work.

If I only had a heart...(part II)

(Read part I here) (Do not read this if you are easily offended by the things that I may say) As far as the second meaning of the previous post. This post is meant for me to vent some feelings and frustrations. It is in no way meant to hurt anyones feelings if I do, sorry, but I warned you. I am not quite sure how to describe it.

My mom and I never had "that" kind of relationship. We have never been the mother/daughter type people. We have always had more of a I-have-to-talk-to-you-because-you-and-I-are-related type relationship. I have a closer more loving relationship with my mother and father in law in six years than I have ever had with my mother for 29 years. At least from my point of view she has always been the one who "ran" the family, she was always the boss. She was ALWAYS in control of every aspect of our lives, especially mine. We did what she wanted to do, when she wanted to do it and would complain if we did not want to do it and finally we would give in and just do whatever it was she wanted to do. She never taught me to cook, she never taught me to clean, she never talked to me about drugs, smoking, or sex. These things I learned on my own through trial and error. My brother and I cleaned as she never cleaned a day in her life. We ate whatever she cooked (which was rare) because if we did not we would go hungry that night, which she mistakenly took for us liking the food she made and has come to bite me in the butt lately. As for the others, trial and error. This is not to say that she is the ONLY one at fault for these parenting mistakes but she is the one that I am talking about today.

She just didn't do those sort of things, those sort of motherly things. She is totally wrapped up in her own emotions and she can never see anything beyond her own self. The slightest thing will set her off the deep end and make her flip out. She says small things that hurt my feelings and I know she knows what she is doing. Things like "do you want this shirt its too big for me and I am sure it would fit you" or "This would look good on me since I am smaller than you" I know that I am fat, she knows I am fat, my whole freakin' family knows I am fat...Must we point it out? Did I mention that she is the EXACT same size as me? Oh, and I am NOT the one sitting in the hospital because I am fat though and I am doing something about mine, what has she ever done? Taken it out on a bag of chips...Or me.

She takes everything out on me, like everything is my fault. Everything that has ever happened in her life has been either my fault or my problem, her weight, her divorce, her love life, her financial situation. Like it is expected of me to take care of her, to take care of everything in her life. Who is the child and who is the parent? I have three kids of my own to raise and it is hard enough to be a mother to a 6 year old. I do not need or want another one that is 56 years old. I want to raise my children my way without the advice of someone who couldn't even raise me! I scream in my head that these things are not my fault nor are they my problem, but I am either too chicken or too nice to say anything about it. But with all of these things I am supposed to feel something, anything, but I do not. Nothing...The only thing I feel is anger. Angry because I am the one who is being forced to take care of everything and even then it is not good enough for her. I cannot do it right so I get either yelled at or I get the guilt trip. I keep my mouth shut instead of saying something.

Things I should have said to her and probably will never say:
It is not my fault that you packed up and moved 3 thousand miles away to come to NC with no prior planning or saving. It is not my fault that you have no money coming here. It is not my fault that you probably got into trouble of some sort in Hawaii which is why you came here in the first place. It is not my fault that you won't tell me the real reason you came here. It is not my fault that you got to live in my house rent free for an entire year and you still do not have any money. It is not my fault that you have a car that you can't pay for but won't get rid of. It is not my fault that you bought a $4000 computer and still can't pay for your own food and you won't get rid of it. It is not my fault that you borrowed money from Pepere and wasted it on crap expensive sunglasses and jewelry making kit that you will never use. You do not take my advise when I tell you my ideas, you always have an excuse for everything. So stop asking me.

Yes, you have been there to help me when I needed money but I have always paid my debts to you, yet you are angry that I cannot help you when you need money. I have three kids and a family that I need to take care of you have nothing and no one. When could I possibly see my money again? We have enough money to get us by each week and paying off our debts at the same time. Just because Jim has paid his truck off doesn't mean that the money is getting piled somewhere for a rainy day. It is getting put to other debts we owe. You bought a stupid dog for $400 and God knows how much to have him shipped here yet you cannot make rent. Why is this my fault? Why is it now my problem to take care of him? Why is it now my problem to take care of your rent? No, I will not make a special trip to your house just to get "his" dog food. He can eat what we have for him. No he cannot come into my house, I like my carpets urine and feces free. I could care less about that stupid bird, you can barely feed yourself let alone that bird who got an expensive cage instead of you getting your things from the movers.

Yes, you can have my couches, queen size bed, end tables, and dresser without thanks or paying for them. Yes you can use my truck and trailer to move and don't bother saying thank you. Please boss us around and tell us how to do things because we are obligated to help you. Don't bother being thankful in the least.

Am I being selfish when I say these things? Where is my general concern for my mom? Where is my heart? It is beaten, tired, and hurt. I want to live my own life, raise my own children, and never ever be the person that I see in my mother everyday. Is that too much to ask? Shouldn't I be feeling something besides anger? I am not sure what to do or what to say, but I suppose I will just continue to do what I am doing now and then next year I will post another venting.

If I only had a heart...

The title to this blog has two meanings I think. First of all many of you know that my mother had open heart surgery on Wednesday morning involving a 4 way bypass. As a joke my husband and I decided that since my mothers favorite movie is Wizard of Oz and since the Tin Man just wanted a heart we would just have to get her a tin man.


After looking at the mall in Asheville we were a little disheartened that we could not seem to find one. Not even a Disney store or anything. So we came home and Jim and I both went back to work. His wonderful ex-boss lady heard that we were looking for one and amazingly had a tin man. This particular Tin Man was made out of recycled tin cans and various other items, and has a wooden heart. It is the best Tin Man that we could have asked for.

As far as the second meaning of this post. I am not quite sure how to describe it. Let me start from the beginning I guess. It seems like everyone is always so worried about my mom and me and my family, they always ask how I am doing and how she is doing. I always answer with a good and a sigh, like I have to pretend that I am as concerned for her health as they are. I am not concerned as she is doing well. It may sound selfish to say but she brought it on herself from the way that she takes care of herself. I do not feel sorry for her in the least...(To be continued on If I only had a heart...(part II)).

Waiting, waiting, and more waiting.

Well, we finally made it to the hospital and we just had our first update from the Chaplain here. She is doing well in the surgery and we should hear something more in a couple hours. He said that she should be done by around noon. I just hate the waiting for news. I wish that they had one of those observatory rooms that we could watch now THAT would be cool. I will keep everyone updated as we hear more of course. I may even post some pictures if they let me take them. Of course I am the only idiot that brings a laptop to the hospital to wait on surgery results. I also think that I am the youngest one in the waiting room. All these old people around are giving me a complex.

Its funny, when you are in the military and the Chaplain comes to talk to you it is usually bad news so when they told us that he had an update for us Jim and I just looked at each other like "uh-oh, now what?". Then they told us that he will be giving us updates every two hours during the surgery and we were relieved.

I would never make it on Hells Kitchen

Here is a picture of what I attempted to do on Sunday. It is a German Chocolate cake, at least it was supposed to be. This pic was taken BEFORE the top layer slid onto the stove. Good thing it all tastes the same. It was AWESOME!

Fancy Schmancy

So I went to a really fancy place on Monday before I stopped in to see my mom at the hospital. We have a place called the Biltmore Estates and everything around this place is very high scale type. So at the McDonalds there is this piano, it plays itself if you look closely at this pic you can see the keys pressed.

Mom times two

Bad news once again in my family. Both my mother and my mother in law had some bad stuff this weekend. My mom had a heart attack and is doing better in the hospital. My mother in law found out that she has cancer again. I will post more later but I have to go for now. Just wanted to keep you all updated.

This is the helicopter outside of the hospital here in Franklin. She is called MAMA.